pervert.

I feel safe in this city. I feel fairly safe and comfortable on the subways and walking in my neighborhood, i'm aware of my surroundings and hold my bag to make sure no one can grab it. But this morning something happened that made me feel uncomfortable.

I ride trains all the time, crowded ones. People are pushed up against each other and we all deal with it without making eye contact and trying to be touch in the least offensive ways. but on occasion, people press against me and it is uncomfortable. i usually shift however I can, and assume that we are all just crammed into the tight space together. One time a guy was standing behind me, and when i got off the crowded train, a guy grabbed me, flashed his badge, and asked if the guy had been bothering me. I was in shock and running late, so I said no and ran off. But I thought about that experience a lot. Unlike most train rides, i could still feel his body against mine, way too close for comfort, and while i hadn't felt any grabbing or poking or anything, it had made me feel uncomfortable, and I wondered if maybe I should've said something to the officer... I then forgot about it.

That was weeks ago. This morning, again on the 4 train to Grand Central, a crowd piled into the train and a guy stood directly behind me. I felt him pressed against my back and butt, and was reminded again about the incident a few weeks ago. But really, it was a crowded train, he wasn't "touching" me... I shifted over to the other side of the pole, but avoided his gaze, which I suddenly found myself to be very shy in meeting. On the way out, i glanced at him, and made eye contact. Uncomfortable. And then, as we disembarked from the train, i saw him grabbed by another guy as handcuffs were slid from the a pocket, and another guy pulled me aside and flashed his badge. "Ma'am, i saw that man touching you. Are you okay? can you tell me what happened?" This time, though on my way to a meeting, i stayed and talked to the officer. Plain clothes, no indication that he's a cop, and i actually asked for his id when he asked me for my statement. Though I knew the guy in the plaid shirt had been pressed against me, and I had felt uncomfortable, did i really think he did it on purpose? i didn't want him in trouble for being on a crowded train. But as I hesitated and said to the officer, well, he was touching me, but I'm not sure it was on purpose, there was a crowd... the officer told me that there was no one pushing the guy and he had space. And he had seen me shift away and look uncomfortable. This is what guys do on the subway unfortunately, and they catch men rubbing up against women almost every day, it gets them off and no one has to know. And women feel uncomfortable but can't really do anything about it because they just aren't sure...

I made a statement. Part of me thinks, what if it was just an accident? But another part is so grateful for the cops on that train for noticing and doing something. I felt uncomfortable and sort of violated, and I'm glad that the cops provided a safe space to say something. I always think I am brave enough to say something, to shame someone who is acting inappropriately, but on more occasions than i'd like to remember, i second guess the intentions of people and keep quiet, instead finding myself ashamed.

So thank you NYC subway cops this morning. I hope the plaid shirt guy learned a valuable lesson today.

And friends, don't be afraid to speak up when you feel something is amiss. Trust your senses. better safe than sorry. I'm working on that.