Isi

I know a lot of people are blogging about their dads today, and many of the blogs I read will probably include adorable pictures of cute kids hugging cute dads. I wish I had some pictures from when I was little with my dad (they are all in Toronto or Finland at my grandma's house), because I was a very cute little girl (red rosy cheeks, pigtails, big mischievous smile) and my dad was a very cute dad (total hipster-looking, i never realized how cool my dad really was until I moved to Brooklyn and all the cute dads look like he did in the 70s and 80s).

I brag about my dad a lot. i don't think he knows it, because I certainly don't tell him that. maybe I should tell him how proud I am of him, but that just seems like an awkward conversation. It's so much easier to tell other people how smart he is in science and what little i understand about his important, life-saving work. It is really because of him that I try to be smart too-- I joke about how i'm the dumb one in a family full of doctors, but there is part of me hoping that the apple couldn't have fallen far from the tree. I went to graduate school for myself of course, but I have to admit, part of me was really pleased to be able to show my dad that I was accepted to a great MPA school, and I know that he was proud of me too. Yeah, he does put pressure on us academically and professionally, but over the years I've come to realize it is only because he knows that 1) hard work pays off, and 2) I think he believes in our abilities to be great and smart. i think my dad really expects me to change the world; I'm not so sure about that myself, but i really hope he doesn't stop believing that. Now if only he would be as optimistic about my chances at getting hitched...

Another way in which he has influenced my life, even moreso than the academic, is the spiritual. It's not quite as easy to brag about what a good example he has been to me, not because he hasn't been one, but because I don't think that he thinks he has been. He's not that guy who teaches Sunday School and spouts off obscure quotes from church leaders long since dead. His testimony and spiritual strength has always been more of the simple action kind. He simply lives it, without fanfare and with commitment. I think that it has been hard fought and not without struggles, but he keeps at it. He isn't perfect, but I don't need a perfect father, I need someone who understands what it is like to question things, to feel insecure and sad, to feel alone, and to still keep working at it day by day hoping to be a little better each day because it is worth it. Sure, it's sometimes annoying to always be asked "so, do you have a job yet? How's the dating going?" but it's just because he cares about me, and i know i can always go to him when i am struggling. He's played the role of "parent", both mom and dad over the years, and i am so grateful for that.

It's been said that girls marry men like their fathers. Judging from my dating line-up, i've been trying pretty hard to not make that the case. But, today as i sat in church, looking around at all of these cute little families with proud and handsome husbands and fathers, i knew very clearly what I wanted. I wanted someone who honors the priesthood and loves God. Someone who loves and supports me as his partner. Someone who adores his kids. Someone who loves telling really lame jokes. In other words, someone just like my dad.