A new grave with just one date dots the landscape in a beautiful Charleston cemetery- August 19, 2010. The daisies from the Saturday funeral are probably mostly wilted on the funeral arrangement by this point, in the hot August sun, but they'll be replaced soon by the mother who carried this infant for nine months. No lilies here, those are funeral flowers not suited for a baby girl. She'll bring yellow and pink flowers, splashes of sunshine, possibly picked out by her two-year-old flower helper, who right now is only aware that she will get to water flowers and that people have been sad around her a lot these last few weeks.
This was supposed to be my new niece. Correction, this is my new niece, the beautiful Emilia. I did not meet her, none of us did, but I do not believe that precludes us from being her family. in fact, i firmly believe that she is an important little person, part of my sister's family forever, my niece forever, and that one day, we will all get to meet her. But for the time being, she is with my mother, my older brother who died at 7 months, grandparents, aunts, uncles, loved ones.
Life is hard. There is pain, there is heartbreak. She is the lucky one to move on from this state. I'm a little bit jealous. But yet. While I'm glad that she's going to miss out on broken bones, she also misses out on smelling flowers. She gets to miss out on being rejected by a boy she likes, but she also misses out on falling in love. She gets to skip the fights and hair-pulling over borrowing clothing from her sister, but she also misses out on growing up with her sister. And we miss out on her.
My heart aches for my sister. i can't understand what this must be like for her, to lose a baby and I ache for her, wishing to take on a portion of what she must be feeling, missing her baby. Through all of this, however, I am so, so grateful for her wonderful husband and the love and strength he offers. This is hard for him too, but seeing them together, i know that they will make it through. While there is a hole in my heart, it is filled with the peace that because of Christ, we can all feel peace, we can all be healed from this experience, and more than anything, we have an eternal family. That is the greatest comfort. I am grateful for this belief.
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