A new grave with just one date dots the landscape in a beautiful Charleston cemetery- August 19, 2010. The daisies from the Saturday funeral are probably mostly wilted on the funeral arrangement by this point, in the hot August sun, but they'll be replaced soon by the mother who carried this infant for nine months. No lilies here, those are funeral flowers not suited for a baby girl. She'll bring yellow and pink flowers, splashes of sunshine, possibly picked out by her two-year-old flower helper, who right now is only aware that she will get to water flowers and that people have been sad around her a lot these last few weeks.
This was supposed to be my new niece. Correction, this is my new niece, the beautiful Emilia. I did not meet her, none of us did, but I do not believe that precludes us from being her family. in fact, i firmly believe that she is an important little person, part of my sister's family forever, my niece forever, and that one day, we will all get to meet her. But for the time being, she is with my mother, my older brother who died at 7 months, grandparents, aunts, uncles, loved ones.
Life is hard. There is pain, there is heartbreak. She is the lucky one to move on from this state. I'm a little bit jealous. But yet. While I'm glad that she's going to miss out on broken bones, she also misses out on smelling flowers. She gets to miss out on being rejected by a boy she likes, but she also misses out on falling in love. She gets to skip the fights and hair-pulling over borrowing clothing from her sister, but she also misses out on growing up with her sister. And we miss out on her.
My heart aches for my sister. i can't understand what this must be like for her, to lose a baby and I ache for her, wishing to take on a portion of what she must be feeling, missing her baby. Through all of this, however, I am so, so grateful for her wonderful husband and the love and strength he offers. This is hard for him too, but seeing them together, i know that they will make it through. While there is a hole in my heart, it is filled with the peace that because of Christ, we can all feel peace, we can all be healed from this experience, and more than anything, we have an eternal family. That is the greatest comfort. I am grateful for this belief.
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9 comments:
Suvi- Thank you for sharing this. I'm so sorry about this loss for your family. I think you explained it very well. I can feel your love for your niece. I'm so grateful for the knowledge we share of eternal life and eternal families.
i love you. my prayers are with your family.
Suvi, I am so sorry. I'm assuming this was Liina's baby, but I don't know. Things like this really shake you to the core, when they are so unexpected. I hope you and your family will get through this okay. We love you guys and would love to help if there is anything we can do.
Love you Suvi, I can't imagine this. My thoughts and prayers will be with your family.
Such a hard loss... Your sister is lucky to have family like you to buoy her up during this time. Keep the faith. I know that there is a reason for this and it will help you all to learn and grow.
In the middle of the night I couldn't sleep, so I got up to check Google Reader and found this post. And it made me cry. You write very beautifully, Suvi.
Hours later, I came home from a pre-natal appointment to find out that my good friend's eight-month-old son had stopped breathing in his sleep and passed away. Sometimes living seems like too much to bear. But this blog post definitely helped me, and I hope that some day it will help my friend, too. Thanks for posting it.
My prayers are with you and your family.
My mother just told me about this...I want to validate your grief, and that of your entire family's. I wish I could, once again, as we I did so many years ago...just sit with Liina at the top of the stairs in Foxboro ward and just be with her. In the silence, when there simply are no words. All my love and support. Always.
Thanks for sharing your feelings Suvi.I ache for Liina, Jarom and your entire family. Please know that our prayers are with you all.
Moi ja terveiset Suomesta.
Kuulin (vasta) tänään uutiset äitini kautta ja samalla iso suru täytti mieleni.
Ajattelin näin blogin välityksellä ilmaista osanottoni ja sympatiani Liinalle, hänen perheelleen ja muille asianomaisille ja tietenkin myös sinulle. Välitäthän viestini hänelle...
Kirjoittele mailia jossain vaiheessa, mikäli siltä tuntuu.
jarkko@lotvonen.com
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