Well, there were no classes today. Instead there was a wedding! Hooray! I always love seeing weddings in different cultures and I guess that they don’t have to many around here so we were very lucky to have a chance to see it. Interesting day. First, let me tell you a little bit about the happy couple—the bride is twelve and the groom is twenty-one. Yes. Supposedly, they really love each other, which I am sure may be the case. But I have to say, my initial reaction of ‘that is crazy! She is way too young to be getting married’ has stuck with me. While girls of twelve may get married, it is uncommon even in Chechen culture. I thought that maybe she looked older than twelve, but she really did look like a twelve year old dressed up as a bride, the dress just a little bit too big for her.
So classes were cancelled because people were too busy and excited about the wedding. I helped out a little bit (which is ‘choot choot’ in Russian!) in the kitchen—the women cooked piles and piles of food and I peeled cucumbers. Oh how I need to learn Russian and Chechen! Or at least just Russian (which may be slightly more useful in the future than Chechen). Dobre. WE didn’t know what time or where the wedding would be held, because the groom wasn’t allowed to talk to his father the entire week prior to the wedding, nor was the bride. While we were all a bit confused, it seemed that everyone else was as well—everyone just milled around, wondering if the wedding would start at one, or two, or three. Finally, a group of men went into the bride’s building to pick her up. Five cars lined up outside, and Ramzan made us get into the cars (where were we going? No one could say.) The bride was brought down, with two escorts—the groom’s sisters. They piled into one of the cars, and with squealing tires, we were off. Dust flew up as we careened down the street, driving super fast and passing cars on the right and on the left. We had the videographer in our car—so of course we had to get shots of the others in their cars by pulling up beside them. It was a wild, wild, wild ride. I’d heard that Chechens were crazy drivers, but throw in the mix of a bunch of 20 something dudes kidnapping the bride, you can only imagine. Anyway, the destination was the market square in a nearby village, where we stopped the cars and everyone got out, and pumped up the music. Pictures were taken and then dancing ensued for about 5 minutes. And then we were off again! Luckily, no one died, although I think that my heart may have stopped beating a few times. We arrived with the bride safely in tow back at the front of the center, and everyone was there to greet us. Pictures, dancing, and then off for food.
Now, we were expecting to meet the groom at any point in time here, but it turns out that the groom isn’t allowed to participate in the wedding. I’m still not totally clear on why that is, but the bride has to be involved in everything (poor girl, standing the whole day) and the groom went to work. We were led up to a room with a beautiful feast set up on the table—rice and chicken and cakes salad cookies… mmm it looked and smelled and tasted so good! But, we were the only females in the rooms. In Chechen culture, the men and the women, unless they are family, never eat together. But, since we were guests, we ate with the men. It was interesting. My expectation was that the Chechens were Muslim, which they are, but many of the men have adopted European ways here, so the table flowed with alcohol. We’ve also heard that in Chechnya vodka also isn’t prohibited. In any case, they accepted the idea that for religious reasons I couldn’t give the champagne toast. Apple juice for me, and some of the others. Since I had expected them to abstain from drinking, I watched which ones did take alcohol and which ones didn’t. The one who had been a combatant didn’t drink, nor some of the others, while most of them were quite good at keeping their vodka, and loved encouraging Takashi to have another drink—Takashi had earlier told us that he loves vodka, and Japanese people get very red in the face when they drink, and he looked like a tomato. Unfortunately, there was one man, Adam, who decided to wiggle his eyebrows and make toasts to me all through dinner. It was actually rather amusing.
After dinner, we were invited to dance, which we did for a while, and also sat around talking, while the women went in to eat. This whole separate eating thing… well, now I’m just being ethnocentric. In any case, we then went back in to eat. The poor bride was still there, standing in the corner. Poor thing has to be standing around the whole day, watching people around her enjoying everything, while she can’t eat or talk. And we complain about the mother of the bride taking over the wedding sometimes in the states! The groom doesn’t even get to be at the wedding, and the bride can only watch.
Anyway, we went in to eat again, and the bride got to leave. Again, this was supposed to be a men’s time to talk, and we were included. I unfortunately ended up next to the eyebrow wiggling Adam, who was determined that I would take some champagne, or perhaps a little bit of vodka. Drunken Chechen Muslim men are exactly like any other drunken men, completely incorrigible. This guy has a wife and two kids (really cute ones) and he kept putting his arm around me and kissed me a few times. When he finally got it through his head that I didn’t drink for religious reasons, his grin got even bigger and called me a good woman and told me he loved me. I didn’t really know what to do except excuse myself after a while. It made me really sad—I’m sure he lived a pretty hard life there in Chechnya, and he has a little girl who doesn’t speak and he would like to send her to America, or somewhere so she could have some help. Adorable kid. But that kind of behavior is completely unacceptable and it wasn’t even cultural. Afterwards there was more dancing, and though it was traditional dance again, now that the men were drunk it just seemed a bit more aggressive. I soon left to go be with the women and kids, and that was really enjoyable. Luisa was outside and practicing her English.
All in all, it was a really interesting day, and because we were outsiders, we (as women) got to see a lot of things that we would not have usually. But I think I would have rather spent some time with the women at the wedding. Maybe when I learn more Russian… It really was a lovely, interesting, amazing day. I love talking to the people as much as I can, and there is this one girl named Albina who loves learning about everything. And yet again, Chechen men are so good looking.
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