On Love

I earlier wrote about the wedding of the 12 year old to a 21 year old. I’ve thought about it a lot, and in our group we have discussed it extensively, concerned. The legal ramifications of underage marriage are great, as are the psychological implications on this girl. We came to find out that the social workers haven’t talked to the father of the groom about the legal problems surrounding the wedding, but there is tension in the air and murmurings of concern among the Chechens. This is an odd situation to be sure. Bu they say it is True Love. As volunteers we discussed what should be done, if we should, or could do or say anything. Since we were in a privileged position as outsiders, we decided that we should express some of these concerns to the father of the groom, who had previously offered his life as an open book to us. And then some answers came that make this whole situation slightly more understandable. There are so many issues that you just can’t see right off the bat.

The bride and groom are in love. But they are both refugees, and their lives are in constant upheaval, with their legal status in limbo. The mother of the bride is returning to Chechnya, the groom and his family finally together here in Poland. In another three years when they legally could be married, who knows where they may be, or if it would even be a possibility. And so, they were married, and the girl moved in with the family of the groom. He actually lives in another room with his brothers, and so they won’t be living in the same place. And he is forbidden from touching her until she is 15 and they can have the real wedding. Also not very old, but better. But still, it just doesn’t seem right. What a life.

A continuation on love. This week, the whole case of the 12-year-old getting married exploded. It turns out that the young couple is sleeping together, so out goes the “waiting until 15” excuse (what would they say to I can’t even date until 16?). Also, everyone in the Center thinks that the whole situation is rather suspicious and not at all normal. In fact, the groom’s father refused to attend the wedding because he disagreed with it (so much for paternal respect). On Friday, the police arrived at the center and the press was tipped off about the case. Ania and Daniel were asked to write a report, to be used in court, about everything that happened, which puts them into a tight spot. For one, we were attending the wedding—are we accomplices to the crime? And what if they have to testify against this family? But despite the awkwardness, I am really glad that the police are involved because now something will be done to protect the girl, at least I hope so. The family is threatening, with all of their seven sons, that the police will take the girl over their dead bodies. WE suspect that they may escape to another country with her and where they don’t know the situation. We also found out that under Islamic law, a girl isn’t permitted to get married until she is 15, so her documents were forged so that the mullah could marry them. Saturday in the newspaper there was an article about the case, and while this one pointed out that this is an isolated incident, I worry that people will think that all Chechens are pedophiles and practice underage marriages. What a mess and I really wish that we weren’t involved. I wish I spoke Russian so I could’ve said something… but what, I don’t know.