At my prime

Dear friends,

I've reached the ripe old age of 29. I celebrated on Saturday with some friends coming over for waffles in the morning, an afternoon of spiritual feasting at the institute conference, and a truly delightful dinner with Mike, Laura and Tyson at Smorgas Chef, delicious Scandinavian restaurant I've been wanting to go to just to indulge in herring. And oh, how I indulged! Birthday, i loved you. Thanks for being low-key and lovely.

This brings me to my thoughts on being 29. You probably don't know this about me, but I have a deep animosity towards even numbers. or numbers that end in 5. Everything fits so neatly into them. If I have to pick a number between 1 and 10, you can be assured that I will pick an odd number, and it will probably be either 3 or 7, because those are prime numbers (and even in this case, the 5 gets no reprieve). I think i maybe feel sorry for odd numbers, where things just don't match up. And prime numbers especially! Oh how I love prime numbers! They make my heart break! Nothing quite fits them, they are so uneven. As Mike pointed out, it's been 6 years-- the longest time ever!-- since my last prime number birthday. As a child, I had all sorts of prime number birthdays, almost every other year, and even in the teens the prime numbers came with a frequency to match the awkwardness of being 13 or 17 years old, not quite sure of life or my place. 23 was a good prime year for me, on the brink of a brand new adventure after graduating from college and embarking on my mission. What a wonderful year that was, a time of real growth and finding myself!

So here I am at 29, a respectable prime number, just on the edge of 30 (which we all know means real adulthood). Independent, strong, but still not easily divided, so somehow feeling out of place, just a bit. I suppose this is a fitting time for me to be 29, in that case. Independent, for certain, and at this place, on the brink of something great... waiting to embark on this career but in this awkward place of uncertainty. Not quite fitting in because I always thought that by 29 I would be divisible by 2. It's a lonely number, to be sure. Awkward and lonely.

But yet. I feel like I'm at my prime. My body works well-- it craves healthy foods (for the most part) and I've finally developed some level of physical discipline. I feel more attractive now than at any period in the past, and finally have some realization of clothing and styles that suit me. I have a masters degree, which proves how smart I am. I've had an adventurous, exciting path behind me and no longer have anything to prove, feeling ready for a slightly steadier one ahead. I like my friends and have true ones. I've proven that I am capable and open to love, but can stand and thrive on my own. I'm not as afraid or shy as I once was, and I've learned to nurture myself when I do feel that way.

So, I'm ready, 29, I really am ready for you. Just don't speed along too quickly.