attack of the Squirrel

A squirrel peed on Emily's bed today.

I was all set to write a nice, long, contemplative post today about freedom and the American way in honor of the 4th of July, but really, who can think of stuff like that at a time like this!



Yes, there was a big puddle on pee on Emily's bed this afternoon when she came home from a run, more specifically, on top of her laptop (closed, luckily). She immediately suspected the roof, but since it wasn't raining... and the water was yellow... and had a strangely familiar ammonia smell... the only solution was pee. animal pee. The windows were open-- a culprit must've snuck in. We suspected the squirrel who had mysteriously fallen from off of our roof to the fire escape yesterday (what makes a squirrel fall? aren't they supposed to have perfect balance?). i saw the dark shape fall by the window and heard a thump and so cautiously motioned for Em to join me at the window... where we saw a sneaky little squirrel trying to get in. We screams. it jumped back. Off of the ledge, but luckily caught onto it just in time with it's little paws. it poked it's head up, and Emily screamed again. Back down. SLAM! went the windows, and Emily lecturing the poor creature on why it wasn't welcome in her room. She made her point pretty clear, because the squirrel seemed to disappear. Seemed is the operative word here.

Then this afternoon. Pee on the computer and the bed, which seemed to indicate an intruder had come through the open window. With broom in hand and shoes covering our delicate, vulnerable toes, we ventured into the room, swatting boxes and gingerly patting suitcases. and then we saw a shadow, heard a rustle, and decided then and there to contact someone with slightly more experience in catching potentially rabid animals. Emily's mom recommended we call the super, the super said 311, 311 said Animal control, but they don't work on weekends, so she put a call into the 911. 911 for a squirrel that we think is under the bed.

We had the evidence, but the police who came by still seemed skeptical. Strapping n gloves (bullet proof vest isn't so useful in this situation) and taking the broom, they march in. and then quickly back out, because Roger, there has been a sighting. Copy that. A sighting of the squirrel, and now the big guns have to be called in.

And so we wait for about an hour with Ray and his partner, sweating in our living room (Em's door is closed to contain the squirrel abut also, unfortunately, the cross breeze). They recommend window screens. Or better yet, an AC. The landlord now had no excuse to not give us window screens. They also made us feel good about our apartment by saying that usually, when there is a squirrel (they do this often?!?!?), the apartment is a dump and so they can never find it. Nice cops, although they wouldn't accept the freshly baked carrot cake cupcakes I had made.

At last, special forces arrive (they may or may not really be called that). The big guns, the tall dudes not afraid of anything, carrying the foolproof leash on astick that they planned to use to round up the little scoundrel. They enter the room, shut the doors, and go at it-- pushing aside furniture, looking inside everything, hunting for the... oh, and there he is. The hunt was on, and the squirrel took the better of these two big men by simply running laps around the room. When it would pass by the windowed doors, there was a look of sheer terror in its eyes. Poor dear... but I didn't feel too sorry for him until he started crying. Probably from all the tail fur the cops removed. It was a mad chase, but at last, corned, caught on the leash, the cop dropped the critter out our open 4th floor window.

And then they were gone, leaving us with a disaster in Emily's room as the only sign of the struggle that had only so recently occurred. We found gratuitous amounts of squirrel hair, and possibly more squirrel pee around the room. It's been cleaned, don't worry.

I thought animals sneaking into your house was a country thing where you actually have trees and grass around your home! In the words of the cops chasing the squirrel "You can't make this s*** up.